The Lavender Light

Trust

I had an experience recently that spoke to me and I just have to share it.  The lesson here is invaluable.

The Reunion

My wife’s family gets together every year for a family vacation in Lake Tahoe.  There is lots of food, lots of fun and I look forward to it every year.  This year, I was delayed in getting to the family reunion due to business and I caught up with them on Saturday night, they all arrived on Friday.

My 3 years old son, Ryan, is always the hit of the party no matter where he goes.  He’s just an incredible child. Of course my opinion is biased.  However, he is mildly spirited and has a strong will.  He is swayed only be distraction, it seems, and we’ve learned how to adapt to that.  My brother in law, however, hasn’t.  He sees Ryan twice a year at best, he is a  Professor of Psychology in England and comes home for the reunion and the holidays.  He doesn’t have any children of his own.

Trust

My brother in law was playing with my son and they had a bucket of ice out of the freezer.  He let Ryan alone with it briefly and told Ryan not to spill the ice all over the floor.  Well, being a 3 year old, he promptly spilled all over the floor all the while looking his uncle directly in the eye and giving him that all too familiar sneer that we’ve grown to know and love.  His uncle became very upset, angry even, saying that he had trusted Ryan to not do what he did and he knowingly did it anyway.

Let me repeat that for it’s full effect:  “I trusted him not to spill the bucket of ice and he knowingly did it anyway. He knew what he was doing was wrong yet he did it anyway.  He betrayed my trust.”

(Long pause for an enormous deep breath)

Later, I asked him what he meant by that Ryan had betrayed his trust.  He repeated what he had said earlier and then added that nothing would change his feeling on the matter.  The first mistake is trusting a 3 year old.

So I asked, “is it accurate to say that you trusted Ryan to do what you expected him to do?”  He said, “yes, I did and he didn’t do it.” “So you expected that he would do what you wanted him to do?” I repeated.  He said, “yes, I did.”

“The basis of your trust in him is, in this case, that he do what you wanted him to do, correct?” I asked.  He said, “yes, I guess it was.”

Trusting

I don’t know about you but my basis of trust with everyone on the planet is that they would make the choices that are right for them, not right for me.  I trust them to do and expect them to do what is right for them.  I trust only myself to do what is right for me.  Because of this distinction, I trust everyone, even those I’ve never met.  I don’t mistrust.  I don’t even see, with this distinction, how mistrust is possible in everyday situations.

With a 3 year old, this distinction is even more important than with an adult.

Generally, I think we put too much emphasis on trusting others.  We are all different people and interpret situations and events differently.  How can we ever trust that someone else will act in accordance with our values, wants or desires in total?  With this mindset, its like we want to be disappointed!

Ok, so do you like disappointment?

When we have the expectation that someone will act in accordance with our wants, we are setting ourselves up for a let down.  Begin to recognize that our trust is best placed with ourselves, our own expectations guiding our own actions, not with the expectation that others will act as we would like them to.

This distinction allows us to have control over our emotions.  We begin to expect less from others because we have freed them, in our own minds, to act in their own best interest.  We are let down less by others or, rather, let down less by our own expectations of others, and have healthier relationships.

You will be continually let you down if you have the expectation that others will do what you perceive to be the right thing to do.  When you expect others to do what you feel is best for you, you’re projecting yourself onto other people.  The truth is that no one will act in accordance with your expectations all the time, nor should they.

Free yourself from expecting others to behave as you’d like them to and trust yourself to behave in a manner that is right for you.

Oh, my brother in law did end up getting the gist of this.  He’s an aware guy and a pretty darn good uncle too.

Belief

This is a quote I received today from Bob Proctors’ “Insights of the Day”.  It’s a great one.  Enjoy!

Believe and Succeed

You will agree, I am sure, that all thinking people have a sincere desire to succeed.

You want to win; I want to win. No one sets out to deliberately destroy themselves – although I must admit, at times it certainly appears as if some people do.

If everyone wants to win – why don’t they? There are probably many answers to that question. After talking with hundreds of people who do not seem to be able to make it happen, I have come to the conclusion that the answer to success is locked up in a seven letter word – “Believe.”

Losers do not believe they can win. Why don’t they believe? I think there is an answer to that question and I’ll get to it in a moment. If you are having difficulty making something big happen in your life, listen closely.

All the great religious leaders, philosophers and self-help gurus have told us to believe and succeed. “All things are possible for those who believe.”

William James said, “Believe and your belief will create the fact.”

I have found that our belief system is based on our evaluation of something. Frequently when we re-evaluate a situation our belief about that situation will change.

Half of my life was wasted. I never even tried to accomplish anything of any importance because I did not believe in myself. The truth was I knew very little about me. Many years ago I was encouraged to begin studying myself, re-evaluate myself. I began to gain an understanding of my marvelous mind. Everyday I learned a little more and I suddenly began to believe in myself.

Today I have a number of companies around the world earning millions of dollars. We have a very successful year long coaching program… We teach people the laws of their mind. Long before the year’s program is over we see marvelous things happen from more money to great loving relationships.

Re-evaluate yourself. There is a sleeping giant in you. Release it.

Believe in yourself.

Bob Proctor

Your Thoughts – Core or Circumference?

“The Secret” is one of the largest, if not the largest, “new age”/”new thought” publications ever released.  While there is a great portion of this information that I agree with,  I think, in substance, it leaves something on the table to the point of almost being a disservice.

When I began studying the law of attraction, it seemed so enigmatic and ethereal that I had difficulty grasping the concept of it.  My thought was “so all I have to do is write something out that I want, review it several times per day, meditate on it and it will come to me out of nowhere to the now here?”  Something about this just didn’t make any sense.  What I took from it was that all I had to do was watch for the signs and when I saw one, act on that and my desire would manifest before my eyes.

Hmmm…

Some things, sure, others, well, no

While in Bob Proctors’ coaching program, he said many times over that when he first started using the process, he didn’t believe it would work and yet, for him, it did.  I believe this to be true.

Many, many millions of people have benefited greatly from this process.  There is something to be said for having a desire and working toward that. I have absolute faith in a life force that operates for us to our greatest and higher good.  Everyone has access to this.  For me, though, there was something missing.

I worked on this process for quite a while and still use it.  I haven’t seen anything manifest in front of me that I didn’t justly earn.  While I can say, without any hesitation, that there have been times when this process has worked for me.  The example of the visualizing and believing that there would be parking spot where I wanted it when I needed it to be there has worked for me year after year.  (this works for me to the point of being almost startling) However, there seems, with me, to be a limit on what I can attract.  There have been wants and desires that I’ve had that haven’t manifested at all nor did I see any signs that would lead me to believe that something was on the way. (in all fairness, signs that I recognized)  I began to search for the missing elements that would make this work for me in every way rather than just in some ways.

What I’ve Learned

Thoughts, as I’ve said in the majority of my articles, that have either been conditioned into us from outside sources or from ourselves control what comes to us.  To attract what we want, our thoughts must be in alignment with what we are focusing on.  If we focus on something that we subconsciously don’t believe can come to us, no amount of wanting it will allow it to come.

When you’re not manifesting your desires your thoughts and the conditioning of yourself must turn from the circumference of your being to the core of your being.

What I mean is that your thoughts have to switch from the object of your desire which may be exterior to you or the circumference of being to the interior of you or your the core of your being.

Simply, from what you want to who you are.

What you are wanting is not coming to you because, I feel, you’re not ready to receive it and therefore it is not being allowed to manifest.  This made total sense to me.

It begins as simply as changing your opinions and becoming somewhat indifferent to what occurs around you.  When I’ve done this, changes happened and opportunities manifested seemingly out of nowhere and almost instantaneously.  There was effort involved but it was minimal and WHAM! there it was.

When I opened myself up to possibilities ( “I suppose this could happen” ) and began to ask myself the right questions the whole world seemed to open up in front of me.

When the core of your being changes about what you want to manifest, the signs of the things you are wanting to create will become clear and visible.  You cannot see that which you don’t believe in your heart of hearts you can create.

When what you’re wanting is not coming you’ve got to look inside for the resistance to what you want.  It is there.  You’ll find this resistance from asking yourself questions that will reveal to you how you FEEL about the question at hand.  This feeling will let you know immediately why it’s not coming then from there you’ll be able to open yourself up to the possibilities and creating your life as you want it to be.

“Why Did God Allow This To Happen?”

I belong to a wonderful site called “Powerful Intentions: The Law of Attraction Community”.  While there today, I came across a post from a fellow member titled “Why Did God Allow This To Happen?” The opening quote:

“Hi,

I was reading about guys and gals that have been born into richness and have everything they want from fame to looks to whoever they desire.

Do you think it is really fair that a select few “have it all” and others are born to failure. poverty, etc…? …..”

The new me was shocked to see this article from an obviously distressed person attempting to figure out the ages old question:  Why do some appear to have everything they want easily and effortlessly while I have to struggle for everything?  The old me felt that pang of familiarity in the post.

Our Potential

Everyone is born with the essentially the same tools, the same potential.  Even those who appear to be handicapped, history has proven, achieve amazing things.  No one is born with anything more than anyone else in so far as potential is concerned.  People are born into situations that may be more favorable than others on the surface.  Helen Keller and Dr. Stephen Hawking to two examples just off the top of my head that appeared to be completely disadvantaged yet achieved greatness.  And there are many, many more.

Born To Be Successful?

There is no genetic predisposition to success.  Walt Disney’s father failed at 5 businesses, one a Florida motel and Picasso’s father was a mediocre artist at best*.  The list of people who have succeeded and seemed to have everything they wanted in life but came from either economically, socially, physically disadvantaged backgrounds is very, very long.

What do we have so far?  1) Everyone is born with essentially the same tools and 2) it has been proven time and time again that there is no genetic predisposition to success and that anyone can succeed regardless of heredity.

What’s God’s Part?

So where does God come in?  God, the source, the creator or whatever you call the “all that is” blessed us with all the tools we need to succeed so that we may “glorify the father” in living.  We are experiential beings.  Unlike animals, God gave us the gifts of imagination, will, perception, intuition, reason, memory and the tool to use them, the conscious mind.  We have the ability to rise above just basic survival instinct to become whatever we want to become.  In the popular vernacular, we’ve got mad skillz!

It is not up to God to create our individual worlds as God experiences through us.

“Don’t expect God to do for you what God can only do through you.”

(I can’t remember where I read that!)

God has provided us with the tools and the environment to succeed.  We are naturally goal striving beings.  All we’ve got to do is learn how to use the marvelous gifts we’ve been given and we too can achieve great things.  The tools we been given allow us to “program” our “software” causing our “hardware” to act out our desires to the attainment of any goal.  (Are you doing this consciously or unconsciously?)

This being the case, I have an important question:  What are you feeding your “computer”?  Are you feeding it the “everyone has everything except me” thoughts and images for your “computer” to act out or are you feeding it “others have succeeded and I KNOW and BELIEVE it’s possible for me, too!”  thoughts and images?  Which do you think would help you achieve the most?  The answer is obvious.

Don’t Resist Your Potential

Feeling that others have everything and you have nothing is resistance to getting what you want in life.  These thoughts do not let the Law of Allowing to work for you.  Let others encourage you by their example not discourage you.  If you’re becoming discouraged by the examples of others, your thoughts are dwelling in the circumference of your existence and not the core of your existence.

Focus on the core of your being, improve you and learn to use the tools you’ve been given.  Then let others wonder at the seemingly effortless success you attract.  The choice is yours.

*The New Psycho Cybernetics by Dr. Maxwell Maltz, edited by Dan Kennedy

The Timeless Wisdom of Will Rogers

I received this recently from Insights of the Day by Bob Proctor.  It’s a wonderful piece, please enjoy it.

Will Rogers’ Secret

A magic way to win more friendships that no one can resist; even hardened criminals can be won over this way.

“I never met a man I did not like,” said Will Rogers. Many people thought this was just another funny Rogers’ remark, but one time when I met him with Amon Carter, of Fort Worth, I asked him, “Surely you can’t like everybody?”

I knew he must meet bores, cheats, fourflushers just like the rest of us do. How can he possibly like even them?

Will was famous as a funnyman; but he was also a wise philosopher and he could be most serious when he wanted.

“Of course I don’t approve of all the things that people do,” he said, “but there is some goodness and some cussedness in all of us.”

He continued, “If you know a man well enough you can always find something good in him and you can always find something interesting about him. It is just a matter of what you are looking for!”

“But what about the narrow-minded people? What about gossips? The people who do petty, mean little things? Do you like them, too?” I persisted.

“I once read somewhere,” he said, “where someone asked Abe Lincoln that same question – why he refused to get mad at the people who abused him, ridiculed him and tried to discredit him.”

“Lincoln replied that people’s actions spring from their character and that many factors beyond their control went into making up their character – where they were born, the people they had associated with, and a lot of other things.”

“Therefore,’ said Lincoln, ‘you shouldn’t become angry with a person who blocks your path any more than you would with a tree which the wind blew across the road.’”

Will Rogers had no more reason for hating a person who happened to have been unfortunate enough to have acquired a habit of gossip than he did for hating a person who was foolish enough to neglect his teeth.

He didn’t like gossip. Few people do; and he didn’t like pettiness. He looked upon them as foolish behavior rather than evil behavior.

I am convinced that Will Rogers really did like every person he ever met.

There is an interesting thing about liking people, and that is they in turn like you. If you must start a rumor about somebody start it by saying, “I sure like that person.”

This gets back to them and they say, “Well, I always liked him, too.”

Another funny thing about gossip is that if they tell you things about others, you can just bet they will tell others things about you.

While there is always a temptation to listen to gossip, just remember while you are on the listening end this time with this gossiper, the next time you will be on the receiving end when the gossiper gets elsewhere.

Beware of the Gossip!

Avoid the company of the gossip. Don’t give them a chance to be with you, find something out about you, then carry that story into another circle.

I am convinced that this trait of his character was largely responsible for Will Rogers being the most universally liked person I have ever heard about.

Will Rogers liked everybody and everybody liked Will Rogers!

Elmer Wheeler
From How to Sell Yourself to Others

Thought and Character – Opinions

“Man is made or unmade by himself, in the armory of thought he forges the weapons by which he destroys himself; he also fashions the tools with which he builds for himself heavenly mansions of joy, strength and peace.”

Your thoughts create your reality.  It’s that simple.  Especially your opinions, the thoughts you hold onto, cherish or revere and repeat to yourself over and over again create your life before you.  Some of your ideas were conditioned into you by authority figures in your life and other thoughts are a result of our life experiences, successes and failures. Our reactions flow forth from a source, for the most part, unfamiliar to us and while most will defend them to the end, others look in the mirror as if to ask, “what was I thinking?”

A friend once told me that if I didn’t get down off my fence, straddling and stand for something that I essentially stood for nothing.  I’d agree.  When you stand for nothing, anything is possible.   When you stand for something, it can get in the way of everything.  How do you stand?

We don’t have opinions, opinions have us.

Does that mean we don’t have values? No it doesn’t.  Values are important and help guide us if properly utilized.  Values aren’t what were talking about, it’s everything else we carry around that hinders our ability to achieve.  Can some opinions be mislabeled as values?  I know I’ve done it and failed as a result.  Values seem to be basic life fundamentals and are few while opinions are distractions to life fundamentals and are many.

Sound familiar?

Your mind will work either way for you.  Toward success or toward failure, it’s your choice and two sides of the same coin.  Many don’t understand why events happen in their lives as they do.  I didn’t but now I understand it well.  With that understanding comes faith in whatever happens being for the highest good.

You don’t get that which you want, you get that which you are.  Your opinions make up who you are.  What are yours?  Do your opinions of the world around you promote your cause or defeat your cause?  You’ve got your results as the barometer, how’s it reading at the moment?  Are you all that you want to be?  Only you can know.  Be honest, assess yourself and change is possible.

That’s my opinion, what’s yours?